What are you doing RIGHT NOW?

[Xyrad]

Marathoning Are You Afraid of the Dark, Treehouse of Horror, and various Halloween specials of classic Nick cartoons.

[spammy]

eating a pear and reading on Eif2s3x

[FragrantMemory]

^ Hey, Spammy! Hope you're doing well! =D


Reading the second Harry Potter book. The last time I picked it up was shortly after puberty ignited for me.
D'aww... I love Mrs. Weasley. She's lost a handful of family members to Voldything (the Prewetts), and despite the full house she manages most of the time, she's got a golden heart and boundless empathy for Harry, fulfilling the role of a maternal figure.

I had to put the book down for a while to turn back to the real world, cooking, accounting, and copyright laws. But even though I've just reached The Burrow, I already want to go to Hogsmeade and eavesdrop on the butterbeer conversation about Sirius Black.

Ahhh, childhood...

[Xyrad]

You know that conversation isn't until the third book, lol. You'll get to eavesdrop on it later.

Having leftovers for brunch.
Too late for breakfast, too early for lunch.

[FragrantMemory]

Just finished the second book.

I've had my eyes to a book for nearly the entire weekend - because between rereading the Harry Potter series, I haven't neglected my studies. I'm ahead in a few classes, thank goodness.

Snape taught Harry Expelliarmus, his signature move - even though it was through a public visual. This is ironic, but I find it deeply fitting.

Fred and George abusin' salamanders... I'd nearly forgotten how much more of a menace they are in the books. The movies made them out to be more good-natured, but the fact is, they're the an-eye-for-an-eye kind of pair, and won't hesitate to retaliate. Not unlike a pair of human Beaters, as Oliver Wood points out, it is in the book that one can truly assess some of their striking parallels to Prongs and Padfoot.

Speaking of Padfoot... onwards to 'Prisoner of Azkaban. (:
My favorite book out of the entire series - where Harry reclaims a familial bond with fatherly, albeit mentally unhinged Sirius Black, with whom he could have had a long, beautiful relationship and life.
"Once my name's cleared... if you wanted... a different home..."
I still remember that line, even though I read it over ten years ago. It made me tear up as a child, when I was still in shock about why my family members were so disdainful, to say the very least. I was still highly upset by that bloody rapist... anyway....To see it said by someone who isn't a person's flesh and bones, to know of that kind of connection between two otherwise unrelated people - hell, between two human beings.
It was so poignant to me.
I think that was why Sirius Black established himself as my favorite character. Yes, he flexes a lot of his memory of James onto Harry, and yes, he was incredibly unchecked when he was younger(and who can blame him for being embittered?! With a family like that? Hell, I was resentful when I was younger, even into high school), but that one conversation, that moment of resolve, laced with the ocean of concern and protectiveness he felt towards his late best friend's son - made me adore him as a character.

Sirius, in Azkaban, suffered the horrors of solitary confinement in a fortress guarded by dementors. He was driven to the brink of madness, but tried to keep grounded by focusing on his innocence. But his undoing also occurred there - his brooding over his friends' tragic deaths, and his thirst for revenge.
If that isn't mental strength, I don't know what is. Yeah, he's definitely unbalanced, to put it gently, but who the hell wouldn't be?
I've been through less than that and I'm stalked by visions and anxiety.
Of course, he's just a character.
But I believe that if it's anything Harry Potter has taught me, it's the importance of self-preservation through strength of mind, firmness of resolve.

I am not going to deny that Sirius was an ass once upon a time, but I can understand that he felt embittered, to say the least, having such a dysfunctional relationship with his kin. But I can also sense how much that saddens him, though this is carefully veiled - behind his arrogance, bullying, shenanigans. I can admit that I can relate to this, definitely. I wasn't too different from youthful Sirius in high school. To this day, I am still a little embittered. It's a reflex. I have tried many times to understand why it is that my family - particularly my grandmother - is cruel to my mother - to say the very f.ucking least. Obsession with face and reputation to the point of neurotic-ism. In the end, I can only dismiss them, but it was my utter disdain that carried over into my interaction with the rest of the world. I DIDN'T want others to see how lonely I was - but mostly I had to keep myself going. I had to be aggressive, and before I realized it, I had pitted myself against the world, like it was a life-or-death situation. AND WHY THE HELL WOULD A KID THINK ANY DIFFERENT, WHEN THAT WRETCHED WOMAN SPENT HER TIME PRAYING THAT MY MOTHER AND I WOULD DIE? But I was arrogant, I became a menace to others and to myself. If anyone mirrored the qualities of my most selfish family members, even if it was a small echo, I would snap and berate them. I would forget that they were individuals, and in that moment, it was as though I was taking care of unfinished business with my grandmother - or someone second in command to her. But I didn't realize WHY. I just dismissed myself as a natural bully, because I lacked much self-knowledge in my early to mid-teenage years. Does it make me happy realizing this? No. I can't imagine Sirius feels any different. That said, he acknowledged that phase of his life.
Sirius is profound for his unswerving loyalty and the great affection he is capable of - his loyalty to and love for James and Harry survived Azkaban, when all else crumbled - including his sanity. There was no way Sirius could have gone out of all that without shouldering mental problems.
He was a broken man, but he never gave in - not to the dark arts, not to Voldemort, not to everything clawing and ripping at him to go against his beliefs. No, he never faltered.

I can't help but liken Sirius to Snape sometimes, sworn enemies as they are.
They both felt out of place during the Harry Potter series, having had the best days back then - Snape with Lily, Sirius with James. Nothing could have really been better for them but the good old days, and they clung to that. It's without debate that Sirius wanted to regain much of his camaraderie with James, even flexing some of his memory of James onto Harry.
Then again, when did Sirius EVER get a chance at closure from his best friend's death? After fifteen years, he still hasn't let go of James' death. But could he really? Truly, could he get over a great love (bromance, people) like that?
Of course not. I know I'd never completely get over my mother's death.
James was Sirius's definition of family. A profound, genuine connection that he would miss achingly for the rest of his days.
Sirius harbors more darkness than the rest of the Order; Snape boasts more lightness than the rest of the Death Eaters.

Sirius was battered the night James and Lily were murdered. He broke in Azkaban.
The rest of his life saw him risking everything to help his godson Harry.
I just can't help but admire him for the love and loyalty he is capable of, despite how broken he utterly is.


My favorite characters have always been the ones who have been through great ordeals, but are well-adjusted for their situation, and don't infringe on others.
I can relate to their pains, but draw inspiration from their triumphs - which come in the form of their sheer strength of mind.

Immensely looking forward to Remus Lupin's appearance. Moony! Fatherly, elderly, patient, intellectual, mature, caring, grounded, tolerant, perpetually lonely, would live in seclusion if circumstances could allow - naturally, with insecurities and secrets of his own. Gosh, who wouldn't like him?
If only he could have led the nice quiet life he wanted...



..... Wow...
I think I just realized something else.
It wasn't simply disdain flitting into my interactions with society.
It was like some part of me was trying to avenge the wrongs against my mother through my interactions with others.
I felt like I wanted to purge society of all its remotely selfish people, people who infringe upon others' rights... when I really just tossed all hopes in the trash of my family ever being whole. My post-puberty years were lived in frustration and desperation, but no one could see past the arrogance and spitefulness - not even me.
Conceitedness to the point of bursting, but it was coercion of train of thought. I only cared about myself just enough to keep myself from falling apart and succumbing to the utter despair and destitution I felt. I spent more than half my life feeling angry over my mother's situation and disappointed that I couldn't save her, couldn't revoke her family's actions somehow.
I everything but hated myself.
Oh my God....
Of course, high school feels long gone.
But why is realizing this so liberating and upsetting and scary?
I am finally remembering who I was. After what, a year? What the devil is it right now, October?
These moments of introspection are necessary for growth. They will not complicate grief. I will not freak out. I must remember that.

I've had moments these days where I feel a surge of annoyance towards people whose personalities resemble some of my family members.

After everything that has happened, I feel hollow towards the kin a generation to two above me. I don't dwell on them, but I can't deny my personality was heavily influenced by the circumstances.

Will certain qualities always thrust me into positions where I see the other person as an enemy I must knock down?
What's the surge in my chest? Is it within my control?
Have I gotten closure from the past?
Am I severely mistaken if I assume I can sit back and let everything fade away?
Surely events that have had such immense influence on my personality -
Oh, whatever. I'm going to bed. I'll talk it all out with Kenny or someone later.
The dude already knows me better than I know myself - past and present. I'm lucky he hasn't run for the hills.


Just talking to myself... this forum is all but completely desolate.



....
So um... anyone else want to add on to the Sirius and Lupin stuff?

[sammy]

poor niece Ling

I felt like I wanted to purge society of all its remotely selfish people, people who infringe upon others' rights... when I really just tossed all hopes in the trash of my family ever being whole. My post-puberty years were lived in frustration and desperation, but no one could see past the arrogance and spitefulness - not even me.

infringe upon others rights , excellent case here asian girls trick to AU and forced into prositution, makes blood boils, hate them more than antis those maggot riddent rubbish wish i was a cop i would go bust them , give them ticket to hell

keep strong niece Ling

[spammy]

Eating dinner, thinking of how to approach work later today, browsing around the internet, thinking of Sam the Spam

[Xyrad]

Listening to the radio while I make my rounds.

[sammy]

getting ready to watch Mentalist xD

[Xyrad]

Picking up mom from work in a bit and unwinding from a closing shift.

[sammy]

getting ready for breakfast xD thinking of maybe creating website for family business xD

[Xyrad]

Pumpkin carving with my nephew.

[sammy]

about to vacume xD soon but stopping by CS to charge up

[FragrantMemory]

Cooking dinner... after that I'll be making tomorrow's lunch and dinner, since I'll be at school all day. Now if only I had organic hoisin for portable spring rolls... or dry seaweed for rice balls.

[Xyrad]

Cleaning around the house and making sure my little brother does his reading since he stayed home for a doctor appointment (all is well); he was only told to read for half an hour, but he's still going and it's been 45 minutes.