Post by Snow Goddess on Aug 2, 2006 18:15:32 GMT -5
Credit-LIZ
> I have a boyfriend who grew up with me.
> His name is Jin.
> I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we
> went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
> Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my
> love for him.
> And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each
> other in different ways.
> I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there
> were so many other girls.
> To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just
> another girl...
> "Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
> "I can't"
> "Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment
> grabbing me.
> "No... I am going to meet a friend..."
> He was always like that.
> He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
> To him, I was just a girlfriend.
> The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
> Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you'
> before.
> To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
> He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued
> till 100 days...200days...
> Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a
> doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...
> Then one day...
> Me: Um, Jin, I ...
> Jin: What...don't drag, just say..
> Me: I love you.
> Jin: ......you....um, just take this doll and go home.
> That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
> Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
> The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room,
> one by one. There were many...
> Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
> When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him,
> and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
> But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was
> dark... he still didn't call...........
> It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
> Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me
> and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the
> house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
> Me: Jin...
> Jin: Here...take this...
> Again, he handed me a little doll.
> Me: What's this?
> Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it
> to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
> Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
> Jin: Today? Huh?
> I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
> He turned around and walked away like nothing had
> happen.
> Then I shouted...
> "Wait..."
> Jin: You have something to say?
> Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
> Jin: What?!
> Me: Tell me
> I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
> But he just said simple cold words and left.
> "I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you
> are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
> That was what he said. Then he ran off.
> My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He
> didn't want to say it easily...
> How could he....
> I felt that...
> Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
> After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
> He didn't call me, although I was waiting.
> He just continued handing me a little doll every morning
> outside my house.
> That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
> After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
> But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on
> a street...with another girl...
> He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed
> me...as he touched the doll...
> I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my
> room, and tears fell...
> Why did he gave these to me...
> Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...
> In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
> Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
> He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
> I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
> I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him,
> that... it's going to end.
> Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
> Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
> I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen
> and joking around.
> Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
> Me: I don't need it.
> Jin: What....why...
> I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
> Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't
> want to see a person like you again!
> I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike
> other days, his eyes very shaking.
> "I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
> He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
> Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just
> throw it away!!!
> But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
> Then...
> Honk~ Honk~
> With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
> "Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...
> But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the
> doll.
> "Jin, move!"
> HONK~!!
> "Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
> That's how he went away from me.
> That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to
> say one word to me.
> After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness
> and the sadness of losing him...
> And after spending two months like a crazy person...
> I took out the dolls.
> Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we
> started going out.
> I remembered the days I spent with him and started to
> count the days... when we were in love...
> "One...two... three..."
> That was how... I started to count the dolls...
> "Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty
> five..."
> It all ended with 485 dolls.
> I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
> I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
> "I love you~, I love you~"
> I dropped the dolls,shocked.
> "I....lo..ve...you??"
> I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
> "I love you~ I love you~"
> It can't be!
> I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
> "I love you~"
> "I love you~"
> "I love you~"
> Those words came out non-stop.
> I...love you...
> Why didn't I realize that..............
> That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
> Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...
> I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,
> that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
> It had his blood stain on it.
> The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much...
> "Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each
> other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't
> say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you
> forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you...
> everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
> The tears came flowing out of me........... Why? Why? I asked
> god, why do I only know about all this now?
> He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last
> minute...
> For that... and for that reason... to me... it became
> courage... to live a beautiful life....
>
> It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose
> someone that you love with your useless pride !
> I have a boyfriend who grew up with me.
> His name is Jin.
> I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we
> went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
> Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my
> love for him.
> And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each
> other in different ways.
> I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there
> were so many other girls.
> To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just
> another girl...
> "Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
> "I can't"
> "Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment
> grabbing me.
> "No... I am going to meet a friend..."
> He was always like that.
> He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
> To him, I was just a girlfriend.
> The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
> Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you'
> before.
> To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
> He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued
> till 100 days...200days...
> Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a
> doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...
> Then one day...
> Me: Um, Jin, I ...
> Jin: What...don't drag, just say..
> Me: I love you.
> Jin: ......you....um, just take this doll and go home.
> That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
> Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
> The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room,
> one by one. There were many...
> Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
> When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him,
> and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
> But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was
> dark... he still didn't call...........
> It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
> Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me
> and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the
> house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
> Me: Jin...
> Jin: Here...take this...
> Again, he handed me a little doll.
> Me: What's this?
> Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it
> to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
> Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
> Jin: Today? Huh?
> I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
> He turned around and walked away like nothing had
> happen.
> Then I shouted...
> "Wait..."
> Jin: You have something to say?
> Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
> Jin: What?!
> Me: Tell me
> I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
> But he just said simple cold words and left.
> "I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you
> are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
> That was what he said. Then he ran off.
> My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He
> didn't want to say it easily...
> How could he....
> I felt that...
> Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
> After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
> He didn't call me, although I was waiting.
> He just continued handing me a little doll every morning
> outside my house.
> That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
> After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
> But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on
> a street...with another girl...
> He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed
> me...as he touched the doll...
> I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my
> room, and tears fell...
> Why did he gave these to me...
> Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...
> In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
> Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
> He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
> I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
> I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him,
> that... it's going to end.
> Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
> Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
> I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen
> and joking around.
> Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
> Me: I don't need it.
> Jin: What....why...
> I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
> Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't
> want to see a person like you again!
> I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike
> other days, his eyes very shaking.
> "I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
> He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
> Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just
> throw it away!!!
> But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
> Then...
> Honk~ Honk~
> With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
> "Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...
> But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the
> doll.
> "Jin, move!"
> HONK~!!
> "Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
> That's how he went away from me.
> That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to
> say one word to me.
> After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness
> and the sadness of losing him...
> And after spending two months like a crazy person...
> I took out the dolls.
> Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we
> started going out.
> I remembered the days I spent with him and started to
> count the days... when we were in love...
> "One...two... three..."
> That was how... I started to count the dolls...
> "Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty
> five..."
> It all ended with 485 dolls.
> I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
> I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
> "I love you~, I love you~"
> I dropped the dolls,shocked.
> "I....lo..ve...you??"
> I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
> "I love you~ I love you~"
> It can't be!
> I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
> "I love you~"
> "I love you~"
> "I love you~"
> Those words came out non-stop.
> I...love you...
> Why didn't I realize that..............
> That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
> Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...
> I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,
> that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
> It had his blood stain on it.
> The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much...
> "Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each
> other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't
> say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you
> forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you...
> everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
> The tears came flowing out of me........... Why? Why? I asked
> god, why do I only know about all this now?
> He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last
> minute...
> For that... and for that reason... to me... it became
> courage... to live a beautiful life....
>
> It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose
> someone that you love with your useless pride !